dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
