there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
