She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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