Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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