I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
