I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
