If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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