Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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