is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
