i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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