new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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