I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
