She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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