note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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