wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
