My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize