obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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