@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
