Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
