im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize