I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
