Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
