I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
