Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
