oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
