I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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