The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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