how can u be prego again
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
