I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Randomize
