Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
