no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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