I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
