you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
