and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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