He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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