end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its not stalking. its research.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
