I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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