What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
