My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
