burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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