i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
