He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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