Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
