maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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