I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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