Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
