How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
