I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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