im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
