hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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