youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
