dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
