I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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