first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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