I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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