I need to stop coming to work sober
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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