escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT