Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
