After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything