Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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