I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
