That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
