from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
