god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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