tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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