i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
