piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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