sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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