i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
