look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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