I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
