Only a mothe r could love this liver
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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