Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
