Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
