OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Randomize
